Dream Worlds Are Born

Story 627 ~ Diya & Romanus 3

“Are you sure?” Diya asked as she and Romanus sat on the couch together, her in his lap, his arms wrapped tightly around her.

“I need to go back, back there, to that place.” He swallowed. “If I don’t face it then I…”

“Romanus, you don’t have to rush.”

“Rush? Diya, I still haven’t made enough progress. I shouldn’t be scared when it’s us, I should be able to let you…but I can’t and I hate it.”

Diya wished she could make him see how far he had come, but she understood. “Okay, but I’m coming with you.”

He shook his head. “I can’t even let you look at that place. It was my prison and I don’t want anymore of that place touching you.”

“I’m not letting you go alone.”

“But…what about the kids?”

“Tormod’s old enough to watch Melody and we both know he’d attack anyone who even looked at her wrong. I trust him with her, he’s been so sweet and he spoils her.” She pressed a kiss to Romanus’s forehead. “Let me come with you.”

“Alright.” He really didn’t want her setting foot in his old home, but he knew she was right. If he went alone and broke down, he didn’t know what he would do. “I love you Diya.”

“I love you too.”

A little while later Tormod came into the living room “Melody is asleep so I’m headed to bed”

“Have you finished reading her The Phantom Tollbooth?”

“yeah, now I’ve started reading her that Narnia series you bought us at the library booksale” It hadn’t been long after Tormod had learned to read that he had wanted to take over reading to Melody at night. “do you two like it? I loved it when I was younger”

“it’s good so far, she fought sleep awhile to keep listening” Diya smiled then let Tormod know what she and Romanus were thinking. “He thinks it’ll help him heal if we go back to where he was abused and really deal with what happened, maybe kick a few mens asses that hurt him when he was little. We didn’t think you’d mind taking care of Melody while we were gone”

“Of course not, she’ll be safe and happy here with me.”

“don’t be afraid to tell her no though okay? You’re in charge, she’s only nine. She can’t just eat junk while we’re gone and she needs to brush her teeth and things like that. Do you think you can do that Tormod?” He nodded and she gave him her credit card “thats for anything you two end up needing. We also trust you to take her out if you want to” he seemed a little more excited and her smile widened again “we’ll be back when we can though of course we dont know how long that will be”

“we’ll be fine” he assured her again and Diya said “I know” Tormod went to bed and Diya snuggled back up to Romanus on the couch before asking him “are you ready for bed?”

“yeah” he lifted Diya and took her to their bedroom. In the morning Melody seemed excited that it would be just her and Tormod for awhile but that hadn’t been surprising with how close they were. They ate together, exchanged hugs and then set off for where Romanus grew up. “I’m so proud of you right now Romanus”

“I want us to be more intimate and for us to get there I cant keep running away from my trauma”

“well, more like dealing with everyone elses instead of yours. You’ve done amazing things with your life, so many people have you to thank for saving their children”

Back at home Tormod loaded the dishwasher then wiped up the stove and table before checking to see where Melody had gone. He smiled when he entered the living room, finding her working hard on a blanket fort that she was obviously making to stretch across the entire thing. “what should I do Melody?” he asked and she answered brightly “go get more blankets and another chair” he did as she asked and soon they had a huge blanket fort. He crawled under it with her and she asked “do you think we could read just one more chapter of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe?”

“I’ll finish it if you want me to Melody. It’s not that big of a book” she made such a happy sound he couldn’t help but chuckle as he crawled back out to retrieve it. Once he was back inside he sat against where the couch was and Melody sat right beside him, laying her head against his shoulder as he picked up where he was when she fell asleep last night.

When Romanus and Diya made it to the woods just outside where he had grown up she could tell this was getting harder “you can do this Romanus. You’re a grown up now and incredibly strong. Nobody can ever hurt you again. You’re far from the scared young man that fled this place”

“what if those disgusting men…what if they try to hurt you and I cant…”

“I dont think for a second I’ll be harmed, you wont let that happen” she kissed his cheek “lets get as far in as you can. If we dont make it all the way to your home today we dont make it” he took a shaky breath in and out, hating he already felt like crying. He pushed himself forward, drawing on the strength this amazing woman in his arms gave him.

Diya was looking around, thinking this could have been a great place to grow up had Romanus had better parents. She knew he probably couldn’t see any of the beauty of this wood since trauma had a way of changing everything, even how you envisioned a place. Happy little song birds flew past them now and again which she found cute. Diya wondered how many types of birds they had around here and actually decided to ask them “are there many other animals besides birds Romanus?”

“I’m not sure, it’s been a long time. When I was a child here the most you’d find is birds and maybe a few wild dogs”

“are there big birds or just small ones”

“there are birds bigger than I am but none are violent, at least, none were violent when I was here”

“Romanus?” a confused sounding voice startled him and both he and Diya looked in the direction of it. “Kiro” Romanus’s heart was still thundering as he held Diya. “I never thought you’d come back here. Who is that woman?”

“My mate”

“a human is your mate?”

“Yes she is and she’s amazing, better than you or your mate could ever be” Romanus’s voice took on a bitter tone with the man. “Romanus…I couldn’t help you”

“You two didn’t even try…” Kiro at least had the decency to look ashamed “your father”

“I’m not here to hear excuses” Diya interjected “so whats the story with this being?” Romanus swallowed then explained “this man and his mate were friends of my fathers, they didn’t participate in raping me but they acted as if it wasn’t happening”

“Romanus, I…” Kiro said.

“Don’t, I don’t want to hear it, just go.”

Kiro swallowed and nodded. “I’m sorry, truly.” He nodded to Diya and left them.

Romanus’s heart was hammering in his chest and he held tightly to Diya, frozen there. Diya reached up and gently took his face in her hands, making him look into her eyes. “Romanus, it’s okay, you’re okay.”

“I…I know, i just…”

“Do you want to keep going?”

“Maybe we should get a room, just in case.”

“We’ll do whatever you want, there’s no rush.”

“Okay, I love you.”

She smiled and pulled him into a kiss. “I love you too.”

As they moved through town, Romanus was on edge. He didn’t want to run into any of the men who had used him, he didn’t want them to know Diya existed, and he didn’t know what he would do if he saw them.

It took him about two hours to finish the book so they still had some time before lunch. Melody filled it with talking to Tormod about all he had read “thank you so much for finishing it”

“I liked the story as well. The second book looks to be about the same size, maybe I can fill the time between breakfast and lunch tomorrow reading the second one. I think I spent an hour reading to you last night so I imagine the second will also take about three hours.”

“Two hours have gone by?” he checked his phone again “yeah” she looked so surprised, a true sign of a good book. They played around another hour in the fort before Tormod took Melody into the kitchen and made them both peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He then poured them milk to wash them down. The dishwasher wasn’t full so he put the new dish’s in it when they were done.

Tormod then looked out the window “you know it’s really nice outside. Why dont we go out and play”

“would you be a wolf?” he grinned at her question “my wolf is dieing to get out and run anyway” Melody found her socks and shoes then ran outside, Tormod had already gone out and was waiting on her. She ran up to him and hugged his wolf form, holding his face in her hands for a few moments after she pulled back. “you’re so cool. I’d love to be a wolf or anything like you and Romanus”

He gently put his forehead against hers and she smiled, sitting there briefly with him before taking off running. He followed, feeling immensely happy. He ran with her until she was exhausted then went inside briefly to shift and become a sixteen year old boy again. He tugged his clothes back on, grabbed bottled water for each of them then rejoined Melody who had just been sitting on the ground catching her breath.

He handed her one and she gratefully took it, drinking from it before thanking him “I needed that” He drank from his own until it was half gone before asking her “is there anything you want to do?”

“I still haven’t used that slime kit from my birthday if you feel like making slime with me”

He offered her his hand and pulled Melody up “lets go make some slime”

Romanus sat on the bed of the room they had rented, his face in his hands as he fought the urge to cry. All he had done was see one person. He felt like the reaction was ridiculous. “Talk to me baby.” Diya said and she rubbed his back.

“This is stupid.”

“Why do you say that?”

“He hardly said a thing to me and he didn’t even do anything to me. I know he could have helped, but still…”

Diya hugged him and he turned and pulled her onto his lap, burying his nose in her hair. Her scent washed over him, filling him with warmth and want. “It’s not stupid, my love.” She ran her fingers through his hair. “He failed you, he stood by while you suffered, he knew what was happening and did nothing. That’s just as bad as what happened to you and you have every right to feel scared and overwhelmed.” She pulled back and he lifted his head. “You don’t have to force yourself to be brave, you’re doing just fine.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you and the kids, Diya, I really don’t.” He let his hand slide over her cheek, just feeling how soft and warm she was. “I was so empty. I’m so afraid for you to be here, but I’m glad you came, I wouldn’t have made it this far without you.”

“we can get you through this together Romanus and we have all the time we need.”

“Yeah…I know…Tormod is such a strong wolf now. I’d still feel bad leaving them alone for too long though.”

“Don’t think about anybody but you okay. You need to heal and for that to happen, right now, you need to just focus on why we’re here” Romanus took in her scent again to calm himself further. It was two days later when he decided to try again, this time determined he wouldnt’ retreat. He was going to deal with his past. He knew that was easier said than done but he wanted to heal, not only for himself but for the family he had found for himself. He wanted to be a normal mate to Diya.

Diya held tight to his hand as they began walking again through the forest, toward where he had grown up. The weather itself may work against them today. The sky was full of heavy looking clouds but he had been ready and Diya didn’t really care about getting stuck in the rain. She wondered if Romanus even noticed the sky. She could see in his face the memories plaguing his mind and her heart broke for him all over again.

Romanus stopped walking and Diya could feel him shaking. They had to be close and she stood there, holding his hand and giving him time. He took a deep breath and they continued on. When they came upon the house, he wasn’t surprised to find it overgrown. He was sure, after everything, that no one wanted to live here, that they had obviously wanted to forget and he hated they were still ignoring it. “This…this was it.” He finally said. He looked down at her. “You don’t have to go in with me.”

“Yes I do, because I’m your mate and I won’t let you do this alone.”

He swallowed the lump forming in his throat. “Okay.” It was terrifying walking through the yard and up to the front door and he found himself shaking as he reached for the handle. “I…I don’t know if I can…”

Diya let her hand slide over his and helped him rest it on the door handle. “Just breathe, one step at a time. There’s no rush, we don’t have to run inside.”

He leaned over and pressed his forehead against hers, allowing himself to breathe. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

He stayed that way a few moments, drawing strength from the one person who had ever made him feel safe and happy. When he could straighten himself back out he made himself open the door and enter the place he had suffered all those years, the place he had been forced to kill his own father to be free. Diya kept a tight hold on his hand since that was all she could do at the moment to help him emotionally. She felt a little bad for being such a distraction when the thick dust in the air sent her into a coughing fit. Romanus took her back out “are you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry” he pulled out a water from the bag they had brought “dont be sorry, just try to nurse that in there so it doesnt bother you so much…I guess once I was gone…what reason did anybody have to come here” she hugged him “how’re you doing?”

“I’m half worried I’ll find his bones in there…I’d rather not”

“Even if we do, it’s going to be okay. I’ll even help you get rid of them.”

“I don’t think I could stand you touching them. I won’t have him tainting you the way he did me.”

“Romanus, don’t say that, there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re not cursed or tainted or dirty.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Never apologize, I’ll love you no matter what.”

They took a couple more minutes outside, then Diya took Romanus’s hand as they stepped back into his worst nightmare. Romanus decided to open some of the windows in hopes it would help with the dust and found himself pausing at one. He remembered staring out these windows, hoping and praying someone would come for him, or trying to work up the courage to run away. “Romanus, talk to me, don’t internalize.” Diya said gently as she rested her hand on his back.

“The windows were always a tease for freedom. I would look out there and see the forest and think, I could just disappear and even if some predator ate me, it would be better than what was happening.” He gripped the windowsill, his knuckles turning white. “But I was too scared.” The wood started to creak and Diya took his hand and pulled it away.

“It’s okay.”

“Yeah.”

They continued through the downstairs, his stomach twisting as memories flooded his mind. Being able to explain everything to Diya helped, but it was when they started to head upstairs that he started shaking again, his body frozen and feet glued to the floor. There were four rooms up there; his, his father’s, the bathroom, and the room where everything had happened. He could do this, he had to do this for himself and for Diya. He took the first step, one hand holding Diya’s the other holding to the banister. His heart leaped when he finally got to the top and he looked down the hall. The first thing he noticed was the dry blood on the wall where is father had tried running from him and then the floor where his father had died. There was no body, no bones, only dust and a large, dark stain.

Romanus started crying so Diya gently pulled him into a hug. She struggled not to cry herself, only keeping it together because he needed her to be strong. He was dealing with so much emotionally right now. When he could pull away and dry his face he said “I wonder if one of his friends buried him. A man did have an appointment with me later that day…I had begged my father not to let it happen but he kept getting me ready to be used…”

“I’m sorry about what you had to do Romanus…I…I love you so much,…I’m so glad you got away”

“Me too”

“You’ve helped so many children since…including our Melody” He looked Diya in the eyes “and in return you two saved me as well…I wasn’t really living before you two…my existence was still a pretty miserable one…just not as miserable as it was in this house…do you think we should check on her and Tormod?”

“I’m sure they are fine. This house isn’t making you worry about him right? He’s been doing an amazing job of waiting on Melody to get older”

“No, I still trust him. I just dont trust the world”

“All his love for her would come out as rage if anybody touched Melody. I dont think anybody would stand a chance against him when it came to her”

Back at their home when dinner rolled around Melody didn’t want to eat what he had made “but I want to make banana splits” Tormod sighed “Melody, you know your parents wouldn’t let you have that before dinner”

“but you’re normally the fun one”

“I just want you to eat even half your food first”

“Just half?”

“just half” she began eating and he could breath easy again. He was enjoying getting all this alone time with his mate but it would be nice when they got home and he didn’t have to be the bad guy in situations like this. She ate half as he requested so he covered her plate, slid it in the fridge and pulled out everything they’d need for banana splits. “I put it away so if youre hungry again after this I need you to finish the other half before having snacks”

“okay Tormod” He was glad she didn’t argue about that.

Once they had finished making and eating their banana splits, Tormod quickly cleaned up then he and Melody sat down to watch a movie. “Can we watch The Princess Bride?” Melody asked and Tormod nodded as he found it on the shelf. It was one of her favorites and he had watched it with her so much, he could practically recite it word for word. It never got old though how happy it made her and he would watch it a million more times as long as it made her smile.

“After this you need to get ready for bed okay?” He said.

“Will you still read to me?”

“Of course.”

Romanus had managed to go down the hallway, but away from the bloodstains for now, opting instead to show Diya is old room first. He told himself he hadn’t found the courage to walk into the other room yet, but he believed if he worked up to it, then he would be able to open that door. “This was mine, I guess.” Romanus said as he pushed the door open. “I mean, my…my father never took anything out of here, so I made it mine as much as I could.”

Diya’s heart broke as she looked around the room, as she took in the old toys from his childhood all covered in dust and grime, of the bookshelf that only held a couple of books. He hadn’t been given much it seemed, just enough to keep him entertained. She noticed the bed was made and before she could ask why, Romanus told her. “I used to hid under it, even sleep under, just hoping he would think I ran away, but he always found me.”

“I’m so sorry baby.”

“It’s okay.” He walked over to the bed and got down on his hands and knees, reaching under and pulling out a big brown teddy bear. Compared to the rest of the room, it was in pretty good condition. “It’s still here, amazing.” He got up and shook the dust from it. “He was my best friend when I was a kid, the only one who would listen.”

“I’m glad he’s in one piece. We could take him back to our home” she said, just incase he wanted to. She didn’t want possible embarrassment of the want to keep him from bringing it back with him. “I…I do want to…maybe…if I can get better enough we can have our own kid together we can give this to them…”

“yeah, that would be sweet. A lot of people save their favorite stuffed animal for their kids.” He was stuck staring at it and she desperately tried to think of something to say. “I love you” was the best thing she could think of. He stuck the bear in their bag “I love you too”

“You’re doing amazing today. I can’t believe we’ve been through this much of the house…do you need a break?” Romanus shook his head softly. “I’ve come this far…I need to face this house…for you and for me”

“As long as its mostly for you Romanus. If we never have sex I don’t care…you make us so happy.” He came closer and gently cupped her left cheek “I care, I want us to be normal…I want to be able to enjoy those things with you” she reached a hand up and touched his and was soon pulled into another hug. He ended up carrying her out of his bedroom and into his fathers room. “you know sometimes he was in here…while it was happening…it didn’t even bother him to hear me crying and screaming”

“I’m going to ask you something and dont feel bad if you dont want to answer”

“what is it?”

“where was your mother?” after a long pause he said “he beat her to death when I was still very young. I barely remember her. It’s not uncommon among monsters. I’d say sexual partners actually becoming couples is more uncommon than abuse occurring. Though I’ve seen, integrating with humans, that our races are changing and I’m glad for it. I think demons, vampires and others like us needed the humans to show us empathy”

“But you do know your dad was particularly bad right?”

“yeah…so is everyone who just let him do what he was doing…There will never be a place I can live thats far enough from here”

“well…I think…even though it hurts right now you’ll feel a lot better after this”

“I hope so” they stepped out of his fathers room and he still wasn’t sure he could go into the room he was abused in. He was holding her almost painfully tight when he moved closer to the door , close enough he could open it. Diya didnt complain when it did become painful, especially because holding her this tight made him able to open the door.

He was frozen in the doorway as he looked into the room, his eyes taking in the place from his nightmares. The bed, the walls, even the window, another tease. His eyes then found the blood. It lead from here and out to the hall. It was where he had initiated the attack on his father. He stepped in, the memory hitting him like a freight train. He was begging his father, pleading with him, but his old man wouldn’t listen. He had hit him instead, knocking him over, and Romanus had reached under the bad, grabbing the knife he had hid there. He had planned to kill the next man who came for him, he had had enough and the next thing he knew he was on his feet and driving the knife into his father’s neck. He remembered the look of disbelief, the way his father had clutched at the wound as he fled, he remembered catching him in the hall and ending his life.

“Romanus?” Diya’s voice brought him back to the present and as he blinked he realized he was crying.

“I’m sorry.” His voice cracked and she pulled him down, her fingers running through his hair as he wept into her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“Shh, it’s okay.”

So much had gone on in that room, so many horrible things, and he remembered every moment as if they had happened yesterday. He remembered every face and every word they had spoken to him. It had all ended in one swift act of violence and he remembered not believing he was actually free from the torment. He remembered fearing sleeping, believing he would wake up back in that room and that him escaping had been nothing but a desperate dream. He forced himself to breathe, to stop crying. He could do this, he could face this place head on with Diya here. He wiped his face and looked around, taking in everything. “There were times when they would restrain me or beat me, times when…” he shook his head, “just other things. There were times when I would fight so hard that I hoped they would get mad enough to kill me, but they never did. Having you, Melody, and Tormod makes me glad I survived, but at the time…”

“I know baby.”

“I remember being over him, knife in my hand, and asking him why, but he just looked up at me, like he was pleading for his life and I…I was so angry and scared, I just killed him. I know there would be no answer he could give me that would change him dying, but I thought maybe if I knew…if I had a reason, if I could rationalize it.” He swallowed. “Now I know, after everything, that there is no rational explanation, he and the ones he sold me to, were just monsters and they did it because they could, because I was small and vulnerable.”

“You’re not anymore though, you’re so much stronger and you’ve done a lot of good.”

“Yeah, I know, thank you Diya.”

She squeezed his hand. “What do you want to do?”

“Burn it down and put up a monument, something that will remind people what happens when they don’t act, something that helps anyone who has been hurt to know they’re not alone.”

“I think that sounds like an amazing idea my love” They left his childhood home, planning to return once they had a good plan to control the burn. At the same time they could discuss possible monuments that could go where the house once stood. When they got back to the hotel Romanus said “I really need you close while I think”

“of course” He seemed so much calmer so it came as a surprise when they cuddled up to one another on the bed when she noticed his heart thudding “are you okay? Can I do anything else?”

“I’m fine, just still coming down from the flood of memories and it truly is scary to have you here…among so many rapists…so many men used me”

“Not that it would be good for them to be anywhere but who knows if they are even still around here. You haven;t been a child in quite some time” she pointed out even though she still didn’t know quite how old he was. “Maybe the greater justice in the world would have been to hunt them down”

“well…I can imagine facing down…your rapists would be immensely harder than facing down others…I get why you didn’t seek them out”

“I think I will if you wouldn’t mind”

“whatever you feel you need to heal I’m all for but…make sure they are still bad when you hunt them down. Beings change”

“rarely”

“but they do Romanus…just…for your conscious sake make sure they are still evil. I know that might be hard considering all your hurt but I think if you found out anybody you had slain had turned their life around and were super wonderful you’d feel guilt…you dont need anything else weighing you down…it’s true that forgiveness, if someone is worthy of it…is so much more for your own healing than the person that hurt you.” she hoped he wasn’t about to be mad at her. She was still just honestly trying to be the best mate she could and help him as best she could.

“I’ll only kill the ones who are still evil”

“are you mad at me for suggesting they could be good now?”

“No”

“You’re sure.”

“I could never be mad at you Diya.” He tipped her head back, let his thumb brush back and forth over her cheek, just taking in how soft and warm she was. “You are my everything, you gave me life, Diya, so no matter what you say or do I will always love and respect you.”

“You’re really sweet, you know that, and I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” He pulled her closer and kissed her, always feeling that moment of relief when she reciprocated. He was always careful, never wanting her to feel forced or scared. “Diya, can I touch you?” He asked softly.

“You never have to ask, I love you and I’m happy with whatever you’ll give me.”

“I just never want you to think, even for a moment, that I would hurt you.”

“I won’t, ever. Touch me, I want you too.”

He began kissing her again as his hands traveled up and down her arms. Eventually, hesitant as he was he slid a hand slightly under her shirt but simply stroked her skin with his thumb rather than really feel her. She kept kissing him, both proud and happy he was even able to slip his hand under her shirt. Already, facing his past instead of just trying not to think about it was helping him be able to see sex and intimate touching as loving and amazing rather than scary and painful.

He stopped kissing her as his hand moved the smallest bit so more of it was on her stomach. She smiled at him “I like it Romanus” he met their foreheads “I just…how am I supposed to be intimate with you Diya”

“Just be gentle, like you always are and make sure you tell me what I should do. I dont plan to touch you back at all unless you tell me” his hand moved under her shirt again"your stomach is so soft"

“it would be easier for you to feel me if my shirt was off but it doesnt have to be off…I just didn’t know if you’d ask me to take anything off”

“You really want it…it would be enjoyable for you too”

“I promise” he pulled his hands away and she slowly took off her shirt. He looked at her then away a few times “How’re you feeling? You dont like this?” she asked, concern obvious in her face. He let out an emotional sigh “I’m just such a mess…I’m sorry” she grabbed her shirt and he said “no…you dont have to do that I just need…” he struggled to put words to it. She let go of her shirt and stayed still, just giving him time to come to terms with his emotions.

He was hovering between the darkness and the light, between how cruel his past had been and how amazing his present with Diya was. “I think after stepping into that house today I’ve just been all over the place. I…I’m worried and scared.”

“Then we don’t…”

He kissed her, interrupting her. He felt himself flush as he pulled back to look into her eyes. “But, listen, I went into that place today and because of you, I didn’t completely shut down. I couldn’t have done that without you.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is.” He gently stroked her cheek. “I’m not scared of you or being with you. I’m scared of hurting you, scared of ruining everything.”

“It’s okay to be scared, Romanus, what happened to you, no matter how long ago it was, isn’t something you can just forget.”

“I know, but I can face it and move past it. I need to for both of us. I want to give you everything, Diya.” He took a deep breath. “I want to keep going.”

She gave him a gentle smile and soon he was able to touch her exposed skin again. “May I take your bra off Diya?” he asked after awhile. “Yeah” she answered warmly. He carefully unhooked it and exposed her chest. They were actually a little bigger than they appeared under her clothes and he already found himself a little aroused which wasn’t a sensation he was used to feeling. His childhood, he thought, had completely killed him ever truly having a sex drive. Only his love for Diya had awakened him even wanting to try to have sex.

He touched them, surprised at their softness. He marveled at her skin, how it looked and felt to squeeze them. “this doesnt hurt Diya?” he had to ask. “No, it feels good”

“really?”

“yeah” she carefully took his hands and cupped her breasts a different way, squeezing her boobs with his hands “:and that feels especially good”

“yeah” he said nervously as he squeezed her breasts that way a few times. “can I see what they taste like?” he asked, his cheeks a light shade of pink. “yeah” she answered and he moved down, licking her left breast. He was pleasantly surprised when goosebumps rose across her skin “you do like it” he said softly and she smiled again “I really do like this in general. I want to be with you this way” she assured him.

He spent some time licking and feeling her chest, even letting his mouth play with her nipples a few times. Becoming rock hard caused him to stop. She could see the erection through his pants and the near look of shame in his face “theres nothing wrong with wanting to put yourself inside me.” she comforted and he said “it just feel wrong to want it even though I know you want it”

“I understand…I’m pretty wet though already…do you want to try”

He swallowed, his heart jumping in his chest. “I do.” He said softly, trying and failing to keep the fear out of his voice.

She slowly slipped out of her pants and underwear, hearing his little gasp when she had them off. “Would you like me to undress you?” She asked gently.

“I…yes.”

She was slow and gentle as she lifted his shirt off, letting her hands slide over him, so he shivered. He had undressed himself last time, so this was a huge step for him. The trust it took was immense and she let him savor that moment. He tensed a little when she went for his belt, so she kissed him, helping to distract him. She smiled when he let his hand slide down and over her leg and pull it up and around his waist. He was shaking at being pressed against her. His eyes were locked with hers and she could see the question in them. “Yes.” She said softly and he pushed into her, causing her to gasp. He let out a whimper, his eyes filling with panic and she shushed him. “Look at me, Romanus, it’s just us, together. I want this, I want you.” She kissed him. “You’re safe with me.”

It broke her heart to see him so upset but he had been right, they had to work through this for him to get better so as long as he wasn’t saying stop or telling her in another form he wanted this to end she’d work with him. “It feels amazing to have you inside me” Diya added as another assurance. His hips moved a little and her breath shook. He could see she didn’t seem distressed so he moved just a little more, taking an incredibly slow pace at first, struggling to make himself move more than this despite the fact it felt amazing for him too.

Fear he’d hurt her, fear of being like his abusers was as hard to over come as he expected but he kept moving in and out of her. Her soft moans were coming more frequently and little by little fear fell away and he was able to move at a slightly faster pace, going fast enough now to really make it feel good for the both of them. When he came he was a mixture of emotions but his worry seemed to be at the forefront. “That was amazing baby. I liked it” He kissed her, a few tears sliding out. When he parted their lips she whispered “lay with me” he did, pulling her close “You enjoyed it too?” She had just said that but he had to hear it again “yeah, I hope you’ll want to do that again sometime but I wont ask for it. You just tell me when you want to try”